Offering Trauma-Informed Support to Loved Ones

Supporting a loved one through trauma can be a delicate and challenging endeavor. Acknowledge that you have already taken a first step by finding yourself on this page. Educating yourself on what trauma is and how to best offer support is integral to being able responding more effectively to your loved one’s needs. You can help to create a safe, supportive environment that facilitates their healing. In the following sections, we’ll explore practical strategies and insights to help you navigate this challenging, yet profoundly important role.

Understanding Trauma

You don’t have to have endured the same adverse experiences as someone else to understand or offer support, but it is important to know what trauma is. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association (SAMHSA) describes trauma as “an event or circumstance resulting in: physical harm; emotional harm; and/or life-threatening harm.” It can stem from various experiences, such as abuse, accidents, war, natural disasters, medical illness, or loss, and can be acute (a single incident), chronic (repeated and prolonged), or complex (the result of multiple stressors, particularly early in life). Symptoms may include anxiety, depression, flashbacks, and difficulty trusting others, though there can be a wide range of effects depending on the person and the nature of the trauma. 

While it is true that human responses to stress are well studied, biological, and generally predictable, an individual’s interpretation of an event as traumatic is quite personal. What might be traumatic for one person might not be for another. In other words, it’s not so much what happened that matters—it’s how it impacts us. 

Every instance of trauma impacts individuals uniquely, affecting their emotional, physical, and psychological well-being, and can alter how individuals perceive the world, their relationships, and themselves. Offering trauma-informed support means approaching your loved one with sensitivity, understanding, and empathy. Here are some practical steps to provide effective trauma-informed support that align with SAMHSA’s 6 guiding principles of a trauma-informed approach.

Principles of Trauma-Informed Support

1. Safety: Create an environment where your loved one feels physically and emotionally safe.

2. Trustworthiness and Transparency: Be reliable and consistent in your actions. Building trust is crucial for someone who may feel vulnerable or betrayed.

3. Peer Support: Peer support can offer validation, empathy, and understanding from those who have shared similar experiences.

4. Collaboration and Mutuality: Work together with your loved one in their healing process.

5. Empowerment, Voice, and Choice: Empower your loved one by respecting their autonomy, highlighting their strengths, and validating their feelings.

6. Cultural, Historical, and Gender Issues: Be aware of your loved one’s intersectional identities (ex. age, gender, race, ethnicity, occupation), which may shape their trauma and healing process. Listen rather than assuming, and remain humble in your desire to learn. 

Practical Steps for Providing Support to a Trauma-Impacted Individual

1. Educate Yourself: This cannot be overstated--Understanding trauma and its effects can help you respond more effectively. Read about trauma and consider seeking guidance from professionals or support groups, whether in your area or virtually.

2. Listen Actively: When they are ready and/or ask to talk, offer a non-judgmental, empathetic ear. Let them share their story at their own pace without pressing for details. Oftentimes, just being there and listening can be profoundly healing. If it makes sense, you can acknowledge their emotions without minimizing or dismissing them. Phrases like “It’s okay to feel this way” or “Your feelings are valid” can provide comfort.

3. Be Patient: Healing from trauma is a long and non-linear process. Be patient with your loved one and understand that progress may come in small steps, with ups and downs along the way. Understand that your loved one’s behaviors are coping mechanisms they’ve developed and are not aimed to hurt, offend, or push you away. Trauma survivors often need to establish and maintain boundaries to feel safe. Respect these boundaries, even if you don’t fully understand them.

4. Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest professional help if they are open to it. Therapists and other professionals specializing in trauma can provide tools and strategies that friends and family are likely not equipped to offer. If 1:1 support doesn’t appeal to them, peer support groups are an alternative that can offer a sense of belonging and community and help reduce feelings of isolation and shame.

5. Promote Self-Care: Self-care is crucial in the healing process and can consist of physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual well-being practices. Encourage your loved one to start/restart/continue activities they enjoy, such as exercise, mindfulness, journaling, playing music, or other positive hobbies. Eating nutritious foods and prioritizing a healthy amount of sleep are also important for overall wellness and help to establish a routine.

6. Take Care of Yourself: Supporting someone through trauma can be emotionally taxing, but remember, you are not alone in this process; professional resources and support networks are available for both you and your loved one. Ensure you’re also taking care of your own mental and emotional health and seek support for yourself if needed. As the saying goes, ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup.’ 

Above all, compassion is the cornerstone of trauma-informed support, and being there for someone you love is a profound act of empathy and care. Your continued presence and unwavering understanding can make a significant difference in their path to recovery.